Self Reflections and New Starts

A new trip around the sun, new revelations about myself, my goals, and my life, and new plans to change the course I've been traveling.

I turn 34 next month.

It isn’t all that big a deal as far as birthdays go. It’s not 18, it’s not 21, it’s not the big 50 or 65… I’m not even sure what technically qualifies as middle aged any more. There really isn’t anything special about turning 34…

Not that I’ve ever been one who’s big on celebrating my own birthday, it’s always struck me as strange to celebrate doing the expected. Congrats, you didn’t get offed this year, have some cake! It just never really made sense to me, I guess that’s just my touch of the ‘tism…

On more than one occasion in the past few years, I’ve managed to escape the outpouring of notice from social media friends, and go about my day in peace without anyone knowing it was my birthday. Heck, last year, I went about my day normally, and went to hang out with some friends for the evening and inadvertently attended someone else’s birthday party! I made it through the entire evening before someone realized it was my birthday.

But while it may not be worth celebrating in my mind, maybe it can serve as a mark of passing time and an indicator of the need to reflect on certain things. Maybe the inverse of everyone’s favorite interview question, “where do you see yourself in 10 years?” well, before i can even begin to think about that I need to evaluate where I’ve been the past 10…

10 years ago I graduated college with a Degree in Emergency Management and Homeland Security. 10 Years ago I was also working security at the Boston Marathon and was present during a terrorist attack. 10 Years ago, My life was thrown sideways by a protester in Boston on the 4th of July who managed to make me rethink the course and trajectory of My career. 10 years ago I made a decision to leave the Army and pursue political activism in an attempt to make a difference. 10 Years ago, I started making decisions that put my life, my career, and my health, both mental and physical, as secondary concerns to my political progress and activism.

And where has that gotten me? I’ve made my way for sure. I’ve kindled some fantastic relationships with some of the best friends I could ask for. I live in a community of people who share my values and ideals, and I have productive outlets for helping my community through non profit activism.

But on the other hand, had things been different, I would be starting the process now to retire in the next few years. I threw away a career in the military, and walked away from opportunities in civilian law enforcement to serve my political interests instead. I built a successful career in sales for sure, but I hated every minute of it, ad grew resentful to the point where I eded up walking away from a steady 6 figure salary to pursue life as a full time activist working for causes I cared about and felt provided value.

I embraced the stress, the inconsistency, the tumultuous nature of fighting for a cause greater than myself while trying to provide for myself at the same time. But as I mentioned, I cast my health to the winds as an ancillary concern that I simply could not afford.

Since I left the Army, I have gained 120 pounds in the past 10 years. I used to be able to ruck for an entire day, and ran marathons for fun, and now the hills at Roger’s campground are daunting to me at the end of the day. I’m turning 34 next month. I don’t care about the birthday, but do I want to feel like this when I turn 35? Or do I want to change the state of things, build a new business, build a new life, and build a new me.

I’m choosing to turn a page, but the only thing I lack to make the change is a mechanism to keep myself accountable. I’m bad at that, more than one person has suggested I probably have undiagnosed and untreated ADHD as an adult, which, I guess I should thank my parents for NOT drugging me up as a kid, but it really does make it hard to focus and keep tasks and goals prioritized properly.

I’m working on starting a new business with some friends. It’ll be in the vein of media, and marketing, and content production. Not influencer shit, and not click-baity youtube shit, but legitimate aspects of photography, videography, marketing and advertising. We’re taking it slow, and being careful with our first steps here, but most importantly to us, is that the work we’re doing is fun for us, and keeps us wanting to do more.

But what I’m starting here with this blog, is what I hope can grow to be an accountability mechanism for the other aspects of my new planned personal growth. If i’m not entering a stage where I’m required to document what I do for someone other than myself, the reality is, I know I probably won’t do it. So I could talk all day about how I’m gonna start walking, eating right, and changing my life around for the better, but the truth is, I’m actually going to sleep in and read a book rather than go for a walk.

So why not read my book on the walk? The goal here is to get myself walking, exercising, and paying attention to my health? Why can’t we do that by starting a book club?

So here’s what I’m going to do!

I’m gonna get myself a gym membership at Planet Fitness, and an Audible Premium Membership to have access to audiobooks on demand. I’m going to commit to a minimum of one hour a day of walking while listening to an audio book. And then every Wednesday, I’m going to write a review of the most recent or current book, and turn this page into a mindfulness book club!

Fiction? Non Fiction? Why not both? I do have a love for fantasy novels, but I’m also open to just about anything that can pass the time while walking on a treadmill. Why a gym and a treadmill you ask? Why not just go for a walk outside? Well, because I know myself. If I can’t track it, I won’t do it. So the beauty of a gym and a treadmill, is that I can take a picture of the results, distance and time, every single day, to share in a weekly update on my progress.

And we can also track the weight loss, but only if i’m held accountable. Like I said earlier, I’ve gained 120 pounds since leaving the army, and that is my eventual goal to return to.

So what say you? do You want to join my book Club?

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